Relationship advice from Millionaire Matchmaker stars

destin and rachel

TV personalities Rachel Federoff and Destin Pfaff attend Star All-Hollywood Party at AV Nightclub on April 24, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. 


Destin and Rachel Pfaff are former co-stars of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker. After starting their own dating and relationship counseling business, they still have a high end millionaire clientele, but also wanted to be able to help all kinds of people, something they weren’t able to do before. They wanted to be able to help people at all points in their life and in all areas. Whether it's helping struggling college students get over an ex, or helping a struggling entrepreneur find love, they want to be able to serve everyone that they can.


According to Destin and Rachel, it isn’t necessary to put too much weight on college relationships because college is a time that is very pivotal in one's life with lots of pressure coming from many different areas to make smart decisions. An unhealthy relationship can distract you from your work, your friends, and skew your judgement when making important decisions for your future. If you’re in a healthy, happy relationship, that can help to be more open, make smarter decisions for your future, and live a more whole lifestyle.


“Your relationships are going to affect friendships, it’s going to affect your relationships, it's going to affect how you are with your parents, it’s going to affect how much money you’re going to make, its going to affect all of those things,” Destin said. “If you look at it with the kind of attitude, like ‘it's all good. I’m with this guy or I'm with with girl for now and it turns to be something fantastic, with kids down the line, wonderful!’ But for now, just try to enjoy the now and take one step at a time and one foot in front on the other and focus on all of the other stuff also because that's going to make life spectacular.”


But the most important thing in being in a relationship or not being in a relationship is to love yourself. Destin and Rachel say that’s one of the hardest parts of matchmaking is when someone doesn’t love themselves because then they can’t get anywhere beyond that point. Not loving yourself can be a major roadblock for people in all aspects of their lives. So sometimes that’s the thing that Destin and Rachel have to work on with people first, before they get to the next steps of matching making, or whatever their client requested.


“It kind of can be very frustrating because the biggest enemy a person has is themselves,” Rachel said. “If you’re not one with yourself, if you don't love yourself, if you don't have self-worth, first of all, that's going to stop you from everything in life, not just love but business, friendships, everything.


One other service that they offer after a hard break ups, is ‘ex-cleansing.’ This service “can help people get rid of the old relationship’s ghosts.” What this means is that people either dealing with an ex they can’t get over, or vice-versa, dealing with an ex that can’t get over them, can get counseling and advice to move to a place where they or the other person can move on.


Destin says that this day in age, it can be much harder to get over an ex when there is constant reminders of them everywhere, as well as quicker access to the memories you shared with them. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. are at people’s disposal at any moment with constant old and new pictures, love quotes, and songs always popping up on your feed, which if you let it, can make it nearly impossible to move on. This can lead to you even ruining a relationship with a potential new suitor. In fact, according to Destin and Rachel, mentioning your ex on a date is the biggest mistake that men and women make in dating. So Destin and Rachel help people to move toward the steps of de-friending the ex on social media, throwing away the ex’s things, and if the ex can’t get over you, then moving toward a restraining order.


“Everyone has been through that and we are a firm believers in getting rid of the ‘demons of your past,’ as we like to call it,” Rachel said. “In order to function properly in love, you have to close those old doors,” Destin said.


When Destin and Rachel were on Millionaire Matchmaker, one of the golden rules that their boss, Patti, always enforced on clients was, “no sex before monogamy.” Now that they own their own business, Destin and Rachel say that that motto is no longer their number one rule. In some cases, the “no sex before monogamy” rule is necessary, such as if you’re looking to get into a long lasting, committed relationship. But if you’re looking to date around or just have fun, then it is not.


“Only if you’re obviously safe about it, there’s absolutely nothing at all wrong with it as long as there's two consenting adults exploring each other’s bodies and maybe that mixes to help create a deeper connection between the two of you, or it’s just fun,” Destin said. “And we’re only human you know and having sex is a normal, natural thing, it shouldn't be taboo, it shouldn't be this evil, horrible thing,” Rachel said.


For a decade they helped find love for their millionaire clients along with their boss and friend, Patti Stanger.


They loved being on the show, but after six seasons, Destin and Rachel decided to call it quits. They needed a break from the demanding show and the clients that would sometimes drain them. The two had begun a family and had also begun filming a movie so it became harder and harder to meet the needs that the show required from its employees. Once they were done with the show, they were able to spend more time with their family, finish their movie, and were able to come back with fresh eyes to start a new matchmaking business.


“When we left the show, we left Patti. We needed a break. Straight up we needed a break. It was overwhelming and we needed to make sure that we weren’t going to get negatively affected by any of it so then we walked away,” Destin said.


Student Wellness has information online for those curious about their own relationship and habits, including the stages of a relationship, do's and don'ts and guides to spotting unhealthy relationships.

According to the website, a committed relationship is not limited to just intimate couples. It exists between family members, friends and even mentors. A committed relationship begins by choosing, each day, to face conflict and resolve it together.


Student Wellness provides a list of ideas for building loving, committed relationships, from following through on promises to asking for help.

From Students

"Relationships of convenience are a trap I see many people falling into. The moment the person doesn't live across the hall or sit next to you in class, the friendship becomes nodding to one another as you cross paths on campus all while texting one another "We need to hang out sometime!"

Investing time and effort into a relationship is required at all levels to ensure it maintains a strong foundation. Too often, we are satisfied with an occasional text, or a snapchat streak where we stay updated on each other's lives. Good friendships are about being more than being simply updated, it's being involved in another's life. When you find those people you get genuinely excited about, don't let go. It's always worth it."

-Jacob Zirkelbach, Community Adviser

"It's terribly easy to let people go from your life, so hold on instead. Build relationships and grow; there's little more rewarding than coming to trust someone."

-John Hoelzer, Community Adviser


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