memorial union (for humor article)

The MU. Your destination to eat away your feelings before heading to your class.

  1. The MU:

What better place to break down in tears than a hub for all students? Blissfully take solace in the fact there’s so many people here and yet, no one really cares.

 

  1. CyRide:

Ah yes, a metal chariot to take your tears mobile. Your sadness will touch all corners of the campus.

 

  1. Ross:

Prevent the next fire with the endless waterfall that is your unyielding sadness.

 

  1. Howe to Hoover Skybridge:

Suspended over a street. Between two buildings. Let all the more challenging colleges see you breakdown in that concrete and glass tube.

 

  1. Multicultural Student Center:

Embrace your white guilt.

 

  1. Midnight between the trees on the Campanile near the clock tower:

Very specific. Seemingly anecdotal. Release those inhibitions and weep. Haunt the vast space with the echoes of your haunted groans while a group of streakers run past you. 

 

  1. Any room in the library:

Slice through the silence of academic intent with the pitter patter of your sadness. Yeah, that person right next to you is trying to study for a big exam. So what? You just realized that there’s no conceivable way that you’re going to pass thermodynamics.

 

  1. Meat Lab:

In between the sounds of the animals being slaughtered, bawl. Bawl and pick up some cheap meat from your University so you can sad eat some homemade tacos. 

 

  1. State Gym: 

Run from your problems. Maybe the soreness will detract from your deep rooted emotional pain? Probably not. Let the clanking of the weights drown out the whimpers as you “sweat” from your eyes.

 

  1. Someone's dorm:

You’ve trekked throughout the academic portions of campus, you’ve leaked sadness juice all over your own pillows before, why not someone else’s? Infiltrate the dorms, find an *empty* bed and let loose.

(4) comments

Isaac Linn

Haaahaahahahaha

Jianna Seiler

While I understand that this post is meant to be humorous about the stresses of college, it is not, especially for those who struggle with mental illness. The first recommendation alone could trigger someone with depression who is contemplating suicide, especially the line, “Blissfully take solace in the fact there’s so many people here and yet, no one really cares.” This is especially distasteful since Suicide Prevention Week just ended on 9/11.

Keith Harder

Very good, very funny. It hits close to home just to make it that much better lol

Mark Nelson

Other than the fact that I don't understand a couple references (new buildings?) I think it's a good guide to melting snowflakes.

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