Howe Hall basement bathroom for humor article

The third best bathroom to expel the concentrated sin from your backside, Howe Hall's basement bathroom is excellently spaced out with the beautiful patterned tiles and accented purple wall on the far end.

Too many times, students come to campus before taking a morning dump. This can lead to many consequences in a student’s busy life. From being bloated to letting out little butt whistles in class, it is important that Iowa State’s student body knows the best bathrooms to drop that mud brick.

When rating bathrooms our team has made five categories. There are five possible points for each category.

  1. Square footage: often, bigger bathrooms are more favorable because of their additional stalls as well as their stall size to allow the user to hunker down while riding that porcelain pony.

  2. Stall doors: there are a few factors that go into this category including the usability of the locks and gaps between stalls and doors. No one wants to be perceived while snap-shatting after class

  3. Cleanliness: we are looking for clean floors, counters, and maintained trash cans. 

  4. Vibe Check: We will be harshly vibe checking every bathroom. If you are constipated and you just need a re-laxative, good vibes are essential.

Coming in at number five, we have the third floor bathrooms of Parks Library. This bathroom gets a four on the square footage, but the gaps in stall doors gets them a two. The cleanliness is pretty variable depending on the time of day so it gets a three for cleanliness. The vibes here are very business casual which makes the vibe quite regular. The vibes get a three.

Total: 12/20

For number four, we have Troxel Hall. The square footage gets a four out of five for having great space for bags and coats while dropping the kids off at the pool. The stall doors have a decent gap in them, three out of five. These bathrooms are always rather clean except for the traced water from everyone washing their hands and making a terrible mess. Troxel receives a three for cleanliness. The vibe in this bathroom is very bright and often over-bearing. This can be a rude awakening to your 8 a.m. pre-lab deuce. Two out of five.

Total: 12/20

Up next at number three, we have the Howe basement bathroom. The square footage is a bit on the smaller side giving them a three. Luckily, the stall doors are pretty operational and installed properly. The gaps are minimal and the doors mostly lock giving them a four out of five. This bathroom also has a problem with cleanliness when it comes to the trash can and water. You can often find paper towels on the ground. This bathroom receives a three for cleanliness. The vibe check is immaculate here. With purple walls and checkerboard floors, this bathroom has a very playful energy allowing for the creative juices to really get flowing— four our of five.

Total: 14/20

Second place is going to Science Hall. This bathroom is absolutely massive giving it a five for square footage. Seeing that this is the best bathroom on campus to hit a Juul, it is also going to receive a four out of five for stall gaps and locks. Cleanliness is never a problem for the Science Hall bathrooms giving them a four. The vibe in this bathroom is pretty bland and does not leave very much space for inspiration on the porcelain throne. Three out of five for the vibe.

Total: 16/20

Last but not least, the best bathroom to drop a dump at Iowa State is... the Student Innovation Center!

With great square footage this bathroom gets a five out of five. Plenty of room for you and all of your belongings while you put in the work. Since the bathrooms have yet to have drunk frat boys in them, the gaps are minimal giving you full privacy while you pinch a loaf. Five out of five. These bathrooms are almost always immaculate. The counters are free of water and the trash is always well kept—five out of five. The vibe is very relaxed and casual. It feels very welcoming without feeling too professional. The Vibe receives a four.

Total: 19/20

If you ever need a restart in your day and just need a good place to drop the potatoes in the crock pot, make your way over to the SIC bathrooms.

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