Editor's Note: This is a satirical piece, created to produce commentary at a humorous level.
- My dad never threw the old pigskin around when I was a kid. How can I now find a love for football, and Dad?
- Why does Cy, a bird, have teeth?
- Last year it was rumored that six NFL teams approached you offering coaching positions. However, you chose to stay at Iowa State. My question is this: Why is Diet Mr. Pibb the best of all the Pibbs?
- No, seriously, can you help my dad and me?
- Why are Hawkeye fans known to be so smelly?
- Brock Purdy owes me five dollars. Can you get him to pay me back my five dollars?
- Did the team take the field when the derecho sirens went off?
- How are you doing though?
- Since Cy has teeth, does he eat bird food or regular food?
- Coach, I must confess: I lied. My dad and I have a great relationship. (I love you, Papa). Answer me this: Why am I so desperate for your attention?
Rob Reinhard is an undergraduate student in software engineering.