dose

For many, the joke at the end of each Daily Dose newsletter is their favorite part, so we're told. 

We have also heard from a few people that they wanted to see every Daily Dose joke all in one place.

Well, it's your lucky day, because we have every Daily Dose joke form the 2017-18 school year right here:

(Maybe wait until you're out of class or out of the office so you don't literally LOL.)


Q: How does the man on the moon cut his hair?

A: Eclipse it.


Q: What kind of clothing does a house wear?

A: Address.


Q: What do you call bears with no ears?

A: B.


Q: How did the hipster burn his mouth?

A: He ate the pizza before it was cool.


Q: Why did the cow cross the road?

A: Because he was on the moooooooove.


Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?

A: They get toad.


Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No eye deer.


Q: What does Batman get in his drinks?

A: Just ice.


Q: What was the baby computer's first word?

A: Data.


Q: Why did the stadium get hot after the game?

A: Because all the fans had left.


Q: Why don't computers race?

A: Because they keep crashing.


Q: What do Hawkeye and Iowa State football fans have in common?

A: Neither of them graduated from the University of Iowa.


Q: What's the difference between a Hawkeye fan and a puppy?

A: Eventually the puppy will stop whining.


Q: What did the father buffalo say to his son when he went off to college? 

A: Bye Son!


Q: What kind of clothes does a house wear?

A: An ad-dress.


Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An impasta.


Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

A: Because she will let it go.


Q: What do you call a pampered cow?

A: Spoiled milk.


Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?

A: A meowntain.


Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?

A: It went back four seconds.


Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

A: Irrelephant.


Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

A: Too many cheetahs.


Q: Why did the picture go to jail?

A: Because it was framed.


Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

A: Thunderwear. 


Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?

A: Beef Jerky.


Q: What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?

A: Wasabi!


Q: What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

A: Give me my quarterback!


Q: What did Mario say when we broke up with Princess Peach?

A: It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!


Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A: A gummy bear.


Q: What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?

A: A loose Cannon.


Q: What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?

A: Instagram.


Q: What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A: A waist of time.


Q: Who invented the round table?

A: Sir Cumference.


Q: How does a suit put its child to bed?

A: It tux him in.


Q: Can I tell you a joke about paper?

A: Nah, nevermind, it's tearable.


Q: What do you call a frozen dog?

A: A pupsicle.


Q: What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?

A: Attire.


Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?

A: Because he was a paleontologist. 


Q: Why didn't the skeleton to go to the dance?

A: Because he had no-body to dance with.


Q: What is a goblin's favorite cheese?

A: Monster-ella!


Q: What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room?

A: A spoo-key. 


Q: What's the best thing about Switzerland?

A: I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.


Q: What did the tree say to Autumn? 

A: Leaf me alone. 


Q: What did one autumn leaf say to another?

A: I'm falling for you. 


Q: Why aren't koalas actual bears?

A: They don't meet the koalafications!


Q: How to do you write a book about Halloween?

A: With a ghostwriter. 


Q: Why did the golfer need an extra sock?

A: Because he got a hole in one.


Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?

A: They needed a little team spirit.


Q: What do ghosts eat for supper?

A: Spooketti.


Q: What do skeletons order at restaurants? 

A: Spare ribs!


Q: Why do skeletons have a low self esteem?

A: Because they have no body to love. 


Q: What do you call a turkey with no feathers?

A: Thanksgiving dinner!


Q: What do you tell a vegetable after it graduates?

A: Corn-gratulations.


Q: What do you call a bear without teeth?

A: A gummy bear.


Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?

A: A poultrygeist!


Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym?

A: To get better buns.


Q: What key won't open any door?

A: A turkey! 


Q: How do you keep Oklahoma State Cowboys out of your yard?

A: Put up goal posts.


Q: Why was the turkey arrested?

A: The police suspected fowl play.


Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?

A: Peach gobbler!


Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make?

A: Wing! Wing!


Q: How do you mend a broken pumpkin?

A: With a pumpkin patch!


Q: What do you call a running turkey?

A: Fast food.


Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? 

A: Their age.


Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?

A: Because it was two-tired.


Q: Why was the snowman sad?

A: Because he had a meltdown!


Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

A: FO DRIZZLE.


Q: What has four wheels and flies?

A: A garbage truck!


Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?

A: Because it's too far to walk.


Q: Why do coaches like punters?

A: Because they always put their first foot forward.


Q: How do you stay warm in an empty room?

A: Go stand in a corner — it's always 90 degrees.


Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite!


Q: What do Santa's elves learn in school?

A: The elf-abet.


Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

A: Fish and ships! 


Q: Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

A: They'd get called for traveling.


Q: What's the tallest building in Ames?

A: The library, because it has the most stories.


Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

A: Missiletoe!


Q: How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden?

A: You hide the football, it drives them nuts!


Q: What lights up a football stadium?

A: A football match!


Q: Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?

A: Because there is no atmosphere!


Q: What animal is the best at playing football?

A: The score-pion!


Q: Where can you find the best nachos during the college football postseason?

A: The cheese bowl.


Q: Why do wide receivers like to be navigators on road trips?

A: They like planning their routes.


Q: Why did the football coach shake the vending machine?

A: Because he needed a quarter back!


Q: What do you call a monkey that wins a bowl game?

A: A chimpion! 


Q: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?

A: Because it was always sweeping during class!


Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A: A carrot!


Q: What did the alien tell the gardener?

A: Take us to your weeder.


Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A: You look for fresh prints.


Q: Who always goes to bed with his shoes on?

A: A horse.


Q: Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?

A: To see a butterfly!


Q: How do snowmen get around?

A: On their icicles.


Q: What did Delaware?

A: Her New Jersey.


Q: Why did Lil Wayne go to the doctor?

A: He was feeling a Lil Weezy!


Q: What did one elevator say to another?

A: I believe I am coming down with something.


Q: Which coat is always wet when you put it on?

A: A coat of paint.


Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

A: Nothing, it just waved!


Q: What did the rug say to the floor?

A: Don't move, I've got you covered.


Q: Do you know 50 Cent's half brother's name?

A: 25 Cent.


Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune?

A: Because he couldn't find a date.


Q: What day does a fish hate?

A: Fry day.


Q: Why did the tomato turn red?

A: It saw the salad dressing!


Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

A: Because it wanted to get to the bottom!


Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

A: Because the "P" is silent!


Q: How do you make fruit punch?

A: Give it boxing lessons.


Q: What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?

A: 7 tees, 30 eggs.


Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the room?

A: Odor in the room!


Q:What do you call a bicycle with a bed on top?

A: Bedridden!


Q: What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?

A: "Put it on my bill."


Q: What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

A: Prime mates.


Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

A: They have the same middle name.


Q: What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine's Day?

A: You're my butter half!


Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? 

A: Because he was outstanding in his field!


Q: Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?

A: Because he was jumpy.


Q: What do bunnies like to play?

A: Hop scotch!


Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?

A: Because it was not peeling well.


Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?

A: In snow banks.


Q: What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable?

A: Barackoli!


Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?

A: You can’t tuna fish.


Q: What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent?

A: Show me the honey!


Q: Why can't you run through a campground?

A: You can only ran, because it's past tents. 


Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?

A: Because his parents were in a jam.


Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?

A: They get their masters. 


Q: Why are frogs so happy?

A: They eat whatever bugs them.


Q: What do you call a row of rabbits jumping backwards?

A: A receding hair line. 


Q: If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?

A: A bagel!


Q: What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?

A: Namaste. 


Q: Where did the sheep go on vacation?

A: Baaaaahamas. 


Q: What did the tie say to the hat?

A: You go on ahead and I'll hang around.


Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?

A: To the dock!


Q: Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso? 

A: It's a cheap shot!


Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?

A: Sneakers.


Q: What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?

A: You're cool!


Q: What is the best thing to put into a pie?

A: A fork!


Q: What has a lot of keys but can't open any doors?

A: A piano!


Q: What kind of bagel can fly?

A: A plain bagel!


Q: Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? 

A: Because it lost its filling!


Q: Why do basketball players love cookies?

A: Because they can dunk them!


Q: What do you call a mischievous egg?

A: A practical yolker.


Q: What kind of cats like to go bowling?

A: The alley cats!


Q: Why do pandas like old movies?

A: Because they are black and white.


Q: Why should you never buy anything with velcro? 

A: It's a total rip-off. 


Q: What's Forrest Gump's password?

A: 1forrest1.


Q: Why did the cat run away from the tree?

A: Because of its bark.


Q: What did the grape do when it was stepped on?

A: It let out a little wine.


Q: What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

A: A live stream.


Q: What did the cop say to their bellybutton?

A: "You're under a vest!"


Q: What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A: Ba-na-na-na.


Q: Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

A: He couldn't see himself doing it.


Q: Have you heard about the new broom?

A: It's sweeping the nation!


Q: Why do bananas need sunscreen?

A: Because they peel.


Q: Want to hear a joke about paper?

A: Nevermind, it's tearable.


Q: What did the horse say after it tripped?

A: Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


Q: What is the loudest pet you can get?

A: A trumpet!


Q: What type of magazines do cows read?

A: Cattlelogs.


Q: What did the tree say to spring?

A: What a re-leaf!


Q: Where do you learn to make ice cream?

A: Sundae school.


Q: Why did the octopus beat a shark in a fight?

A: Because it was well armed!


Q: What's the difference between a piano and a fish?

A: You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. 


Q: What state has the smallest beverages?

A: Minnesota.


Q: What do you call a mountain of kittens?

A: A meow-ntain.


Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?

A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

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