Editor’s note: “Lucy” is a pseudonym used by the victim to protect her anonymity.

After he forced himself into her, ISU student Lucy turned onto her side, pretending to be asleep.

It was the first time she drank heavily, and she was unaware of how large amounts of alcohol would affect her. A close friend invited her to a party where she didn’t know anyone.

Yet her assailant was not a stranger. Instead, they “hit it off.” The pair spent the party talking and at one point she leaned in and kissed him.

As the night wore on, she looked around for a place to fall asleep — she and her friend planned on crashing.

Along the way, she ran into her new friend. He showed her a room, and she thought he was being kind.

“The next thing I remember was him taking my clothes off,” she said. “There was this span of time where I just felt completely helpless, unable to do anything.”

She doesn’t remember the next moments — what he said to her as he took off her clothes or how she ended up lying on the bed naked.

“I remember clearly in my head. I’m sure I said ‘no’ adamantly. ‘No, no, no, I don’t want to do this,’ but I was frozen in my own body. I couldn’t do anything,” she said.

That night she was sexually assaulted. And like the majority of sexual assault victims, her assailant was an acquaintance, not a stranger.

“I distinctly remember him saying, ‘Oh, now that wasn’t so bad, was it?’” she said.

In the morning, feelings of guilt and embarrassment burned inside her as she gathered her clothes and located her friend who had spent the night with her boyfriend, oblivious to the terror down the hall.

She knew she had been wronged, but she kept her experience a secret from her friends, family and law enforcement. Like many other victims, she never reported the incident, even though her ravaged body provided evidence in the form of bruises and scratches.

“Sexual assault is one of the most vile crimes out there — a lot of times it’s somebody they know and they are struggling with what to do,” said Aaron DeLashmutt, public safety lieutenant with the ISU Department of Public Safety.

Yet the cultural perceptions of what classifies as sexual assault and the legal definitions differ.

“It occurs when the person involved feels as though things went further than she or he was comfortable with,” DeLashmutt said.

He said most cases of sexual assault involve alcohol use by the assailant, victim or both.

In addition, most victims are women. According to the American College Health Association, 90 percent of victims are women, although crimes against men are not unheard of.

“In my mind, I kept asking myself, ‘Was it something I said? Why did I have to kiss him? Did I somehow make him think I wanted to do that?’” Lucy said.

Steffani Simbric, Story County Sexual Assault Response Team coordinator, said victims of sexual assault often blame themselves for being taken advantage of, especially when alcohol is involved.

“Most victims are not really sure what to do because they’re in crisis and they are in disbelief because it just happened,” Simbric said.

According to the American College Health Association, one in four women are victims of sexual assault.

“I personally think it’s much higher than that,” she said.

Ray Rodriguez, health promotion coordinator at Thielen Student Health Center and interim director of Substance Abuse and Violence Prevention, said students have normalized sexual assault. Over time it has become “a socially acceptable norm.” Student perceptions and portrayals in the media tell students that drunk sex is acceptable.

“Having sex with someone who does not remember or who may be otherwise impaired is sexual assault,” Rodriguez said.

In addition, he said 18 percent of students are classified as binge drinkers. Although these drinkers are not the majority, they appear to be, he said.

“I think there’s a misperception that everyone’s drinking, a misperception that everyone is having drunk sex,” he said.

This misconception, Simbric said, is one of the reasons victims choose not to report their experiences. Rodriguez said educating the public about the realities of sexual assault could combat the problem. He also said encouraging victims to report offenses could encourage more discussion, which could in turn lead to more reporting

“It’s like if you leave your purse out on a table. It’s not a great idea, but that does not mean you deserve to have everything taken from you. Guilt is a normal reaction for victims,” DeLashmutt said. “You may think, ‘Oh, that was dumb of me,’ but that doesn’t mean you deserved it.”

Lucy said her assault was a burden that weighed heavily on her shoulders.

“I can tell you that the reporting statistics are so low because there’s this social more that goes against talking about it, but it’s something that is a shared experience for women,” Lucy said. “We all share it, but we’re afraid to talk about it. For me, I was like, ‘Well next time I’ll protect myself.’ There’s just a paralyzing feeling of being that out of control.”

A number of services are available at Iowa State and the Ames community including the Dean of Students Office, the Margaret Sloss Women’s Center and SART. Victims can report a sexual assault at any time — days, months or years later.

“Most individuals have 10 years to decide whether or not to file charges,” Simbric said.

Reporting the assault does not obligate someone to press charges, but it keeps a victim’s options open, she said.

Through the SART system, the victim must use two of three responders, which includes an officer, advocate or sexual assault nurse. The victim decides which options they want to take, Simbric said.

“We encourage victims to report so they can get what they need,” DeLashmutt said.

Lucy said a lot of women are not informed about the resources available and that by not addressing their experiences, some victims continue to be victimized.

“By realizing that it by no means was my fault, that’s what helped me. It was not my fault by any stretch of the word,” Lucy said. “I shouldn’t harbor those feelings of guilt and anger and sadness — because I think what has gotten me through it and why I didn’t report it was because I feel like, for myself ,I have to forgive to live. If I harbor these feelings, these ugly, awful feelings, I need to reclaim that power that momentarily had been taken from me, and I did that by forgiving him.”

709.1 Sexual Abuse Defined

Any sex act between persons is sexual abuse by either of the persons when the act is performed with the other person in any of the following circumstances:

1. The act is done by force or against the will of the other. If the consent or acquiescence of the other is procured by threats of violence toward any person or if the act is done while the other is under the influence of a drug inducing sleep or is otherwise in a state of unconsciousness, the act is done against the will of the other.

2. Such other person is suffering from a mental defect or incapacity which precludes giving consent, or lacks the mental capacity to know the right and wrong of conduct in sexual matters.

3. Such other person is a child.

—Information from the Iowa Code

Services available for sexual assault victims:

ACCESS — Trained to assist victims of sexual misconduct confidentially

Due to safety concerns, ACCESS does not release their facility’s address unless contacted.

Business: 515-292-0500

Crisis: 515-292-5378

Dean of Students Office- Assists in filing complaints or discussing academic concerns including assignments in addition to housing concerns

1010 Student Services Building

515-294-1020

ISU Police- Contacting ISU Police does not mean you must pursue criminal charges

Room 55 Armory

Non-emergency: 515-294-4428

Safety Escort: 515-294-4444

ISU Student Counseling Services- Meet with a confidential mental health counselor

3rd Floor; Student Services Building

515-294-5056

ISU Thielen Student Health Center- Meet with a confidential health care provider

Union Drive and Sheldon Avenue

515-294-5801

Margaret Sloss Women’s Center

Sloss House

515-294-4154

Mary Greeley Medical Center

1111 Duff Avenue

515-239-2011

SART- Specially trained professionals provide a community coordinated response to sexual assaults

168 Armory

515-292-5378

—Information from the ISU Sexual Misconduct Policy